Why It's OK to be Gay

Whether you’re for gay marriage or against it (or whether your views on the issue are still evolving), there’s no denying that the whole gay marriage trend seems to be on a fast-moving roll these days. More than a dozen states have legalized gay marriage, and those that haven’t as of yet are eking out progress in other ways.

For instance, a recent ruling in Ohio (where gay marriage is banned) determined that same sex marriages performed in a “gay marriage” state must be recognized as marriages in Ohio. Whether that ruling will stand I don’t know. But it does indicate we as a society seem to be moving (albeit, some more slowly than others) forward rather than backward on this issue.

Hell, even Utah’s ban on same sex marriage has been jeopardized after a federal judge recently struck down that state’s voter-approved ban. Can you believe it? Utah! Living in ultra-conservative Kentucky, I was always of the opinion that hell would freeze over before the constitutional ban on gay marriage would be lifted here. Now there’s hope that maybe things will turn around in my lifetime.

As you might have guessed, I’m elated where we are now – in a time where we are finally engaging in some serious, intellectual dialogue about the virtues of marriage equality. I’ve always been of the opinion that same sex relationships can be just as faithful, beautiful, familial and normal as anybody else’s heterosexual relationship.

And for those who argue that gay marriage somehow violates the sanctity of traditional marriage, I quip that it’s not fair to blame gays and lesbians for ruining the sanctity of marriage. Check out the too high instances of infidelity and domestic violence in many of those traditional relationships. No – if we want to blame anyone for ruining the sanctity of marriage, we can point the finger at straight people for that.

Some may wonder how it is that I am from the Bible Belt of East Tennessee and can possess such progressive views on this topic. There is an irony here. Perhaps if certain adversity not smacked me in the face early in my youth, my views would have had a more traditional lean. But it was a small little high school in a very conservative area of the country that shaped my liberal views about gay rights and gay marriage. And of course, the vicious rumor that swirled out of thin air about me during my freshman year of high school also played a big part.

It was the winter of 1980 at West Greene High School in Mosheim, Tennessee. A friend of mine was distraught about some troubles she was having at home and she decided she was going to leave town for a while. Between classes I went to the locker room just in time to find her cleaning out her locker. All of my other friends were there too. We all took turns hugging her goodbye. Some of us cried. We went to class, not sure if we’d ever see our friend again. And that was that.

The next day I found out. Turns out I was the last one to find out. It was all over the school that me and my friend had been seen “making out” in the locker room. I had wondered why people were looking at me funny that day, and when a friend finally told me about the now widespread rumor I finally knew.

I wracked my brain as to how that could have happened. How could a simple hug goodbye be turned into a sexual soiree? And why was I the target of the rumor? My other friends were there too doing the same thing. Guess I was just an easy target.

The whole thing didn’t even make sense. I was a pretty shy, reserved person. Didn’t anyone know it would be totally out of character for me to blatantly “make out” with anyone in such a public place as the locker room?

Common sense didn’t seem to be a factor here, though. And when that day fell upon me, that’s when the hell that I’ll call the rest of my high school years commenced.

How was a 14-year-old girl supposed to handle such a thing, anyway? Especially in that ultra-conservative climate.

After the rumor started, I remember reacting to it with an almost stoic demeanor, viewing it as something surreal. Just a bad dream where I would eventually wake up. Sure, I saw the stares, and heard the giggles behind my back, but it was just a matter of staying strong. I certainly wasn’t going to do anybody the justice of showing my pain.

After school hours, though, I wasn’t so stoic. Hours upon hours were spent locked in my bedroom, each night weeping what seemed to be thousands of tears until my body had no more tears to shed. “Why, God?” I would ask. “Why me?” And every morning in those first few weeks it would take every ounce of strength that I had to enter through those school doors and face another day. Of taunting, and teasing, and strange looks.

I found out that a rumor just doesn’t die away. Sometimes it goes fallow for a while. But then it always tends to rear its ugly head when you least expect it. A rumor can dog you for years, if not the rest of your life. It leaves emotional scars, even decades after the fact.

After the initial hubbub died down, the next few years were just a matter of being prepared for that occasional insensitive remark that somebody might fling in my face. The rumor evolved to include many versions. My friend who was targeted in the rumor with me left the school after my freshman year, so I was left to weather it all alone. It was always that I had either been seen in the lockers, the bathroom, or the parking lot doing something inappropriate with another girl – yet the “other girl” was always unnamed.

As for me, I did anything I could to not give people a reason to talk. Going through crowded halls between classes was stressful in itself, for fear that I might accidentally bump into or brush up against someone who would then make something out of nothing of it by accusing me of touching them inappropriately.

The whole episode left me bitter. There were kids there who laughed at me, who lied about me, and who were cruel to me. Needless to say, graduating and getting out of town was a relief. I wish the whole thing would have never happened.

But maybe there was a reason why it did. That comes back to how my beliefs evolved and why I believe the way I do today.

There are those who contend that being gay is not only a choice, but also a choice that is highly immoral.

I disagree. And I only have my own experience to draw from. As someone who is wholly straight, I can’t claim that I understand what it’s like to be gay.

But I do understand what it’s like to have everybody looking at me and thinking I am.

Just from gauging the way I was treated, I don’t think anyone would choose that.

My belief is that God wants people of all mixes here in this world. And it goes beyond just races and religions. It also includes varying sexual identities.

As far as I’m concerned, same-sex couples who make it legal (at least in an increasing number of states, and maybe all states within the next 20 years) are just as traditionally married as any so-called “traditional” couple. What’s more, whether a same-sex couple is married or not has no bearing or adverse effect on me or my own 20-year marriage. So honestly, I’m not sure what all the uproar is about. (It's worth mentioning that the gay people who have been part of my life have been some of the nicest, most generous, most moral and of course most extremely tolerant people I've ever met.)

Against biblical concepts? I don’t buy it. There is the one verse from Leviticus, but as I recall the First Testament of the Bible also tells us it’s a sin to eat shellfish. Of course, I'm no Biblical scholar (despite my regular church attendance). But it seems to me that if homosexuality were such a big issue there might have been more than only one or two verses in the Bible addressing it. And I don’t think the Bible records Jesus ever saying anything one way or the other about it. Guess he was just too concerned with taking care of the poor.

Anyway, looking back on that long-ago experience in high school, I can’t say that I’d want to live that part of my life over again. But it did serve its purpose. The incident did play a huge part in shaping my progressive views on gay rights and marriage equality. 

Yes, I think I’d just soon leave that history behind.

But I am certainly thankful to be on what I consider to be the right side of history.